Edison's Brothers

Before we left the hospital, I talked a LOT to the child life specialist and the palliative care team on how to prepare our other two sons for this situation.  They made a lot of great suggestions and gave us a lot of advice on how to handle things.  They advised us to just tell the boys that Edison is very sick and let things play off that statement.  If they have questions then we'll answer them honestly, but so far there hasn't been many.  We want them to have some normalcy and to enjoy this time being big brothers and getting to know their baby brother.  The last thing we want is for them to anticipate Edison's death or be scared of the situation.  It's important to us that they have a relationship with him that's free of worry.  When Edison starts getting worse, we will tell them.

Leon (6 years old) is wonderful with Edison.  He is really sweet to Edison.  He loves to help and tries to make Edison happy.  He’ll go up to Edison when he’s crying, stick his paci back in his mouth, and say “it’s okay Edison!” in a baby voice.  Its incredibly endearing.  Leon also reads to Edison during reading time sometimes.  Edison just watches him.

I was telling Leon that babies really like pictures in black and white.  Leon later returned with his black and white Legos to show Edison and started to build him something to look at.  Leon also helps me sing "I'm a Child of God" to Edison when he is upset.  It's one of our favorite songs.

This was Leon's first time holding Edison.  He was so proud.  It made my heart swell.

Grady (3 years old and has autism) loves Edison.  He has moments of jealousy but overall has really done well with the transition into big brotherhood.  He gives Edison kisses.  He goes up and says "hi baby brother" or "it's okay Edison".  His autism and age has made it harder for him to bond with Edison but I can see love and wonder there.  Sometimes I see Grady standing next to Edison, just  watching him.  I've always loved seeing how Grady is developing and progressing.  Seeing him take in his little brother makes me realize that Grady is such a special spirit.

Leon has talked about "when Edison gets big" many times.  He's asked when we'll get to go with Edison to Disney World.  He talks about when Edison will start crawling and walking.  There are many times a day I wish to tell him what's going on.  I want him to realize how special this time is.  I desperately want them to bond.  But I remember he is a 6 years old and I always go back to believing our plan to wait is what's right.  

I've watched Kyle and the boys play in the yard several times while I've held Edison in my arms.  Leon and Grady are so happy to have us all home and have some "normalcy" again in our lives.  In those moments I imagine a toddler Edison trotting along with them - maybe a little more out of breath from his heart condition - but playing and happy and trying to be big like his brothers.  But reality sets in and grief hits.  I realize that he won't be there.  It's not going to be like that.  It's hard not to imagine him in our lives.  Edison is apart of us now.

(photo credits for images 4, 5, 6 - kim davis photography)